I’m going to be vulnerable for a moment. Depression and anxiety have become constant companions in my life. Honestly, I can barely remember a time when I didn’t live off adrenaline. And frankly, it’s not my ideal way of existing. I’m tired. Really tired. But it’s not the kind of tired that a nap will fix. It’s the kind of tired that comes from constantly feeling like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Some days, it feels like everyone around me is depending on me to stay alive. It’s heavy.
Right now, I’m also in a season where my needs are being pushed aside for the needs of others. For the past six weeks, I haven’t been able to get anywhere near my “ideal” routine. Life feels more difficult than usual, and it’s been hard to find the motivation I need. I deal with mental stress by physically moving my body. It helps me quiet my mind for a little while. By moving, I can push all the noise to the back of my mind, giving myself peace. Some of my challenges feel more manageable when I distract myself in this way.
I started writing this post weeks ago, and everything I wrote still rings true. October was a month of little movement. November started off strong, with a few weeks of consistency, but by the end of the month, things went off track. Now, I’m feeling completely off balance and struggling to find motivation. Even the things I enjoy feel like chores. Self-care has become an afterthought.
I know I need to make self-care a priority, but I’ve been struggling with how to set boundaries and make time for myself. Setting boundaries is hard, but it’s even harder when I’m in the middle of a busy, demanding season. For the past 12 years, exercise has been my tool for managing stress. I know I need to put my movement first again. It’s not just about getting into a routine; it’s about taking care of myself so that I can continue taking care of the people I love.
This week, I started a book with a close friend that’s been sitting on my Kindle for months. We finally decided to dive into Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab, a book about the importance of boundaries in self-care. Chapter 2 hit me hard. It talks about how poor boundaries often lead to poor self-care, and it made me realize that I need to stand up for myself more. I need to give myself the same care and attention that I so freely give to others.
So, this week is dedicated to fitting self-care back into my days. Here’s what I need:
- Jiu-Jitsu 3 times a week, 4 if possible (this week, it will be 2)
- Gym for weight workouts 3-4 times a week
- Dance class once a week (this week, it will be 2)
- Meditation at least twice a week
- Reading or podcasts 5 times a week (minimum 20 minutes each)
I try to fit in Jiu-Jitsu when the kids are in school. Gym workouts happen in the evenings or mornings, depending on my schedule. Mornings are actually easier for me to get things done around the house, so I try to balance it all.
In a perfect world, everything would flow smoothly. But in my world, it’s a constant struggle to find that balance. Every day is a reminder that I need to prioritize myself, even when it’s hard. Finding a balance between taking care of others and taking care of myself is challenging, but it’s necessary. It’s a work in progress, and I’m trying my best.
If you’re struggling with something similar, I want you to know you’re not alone. Finding balance takes time, but it’s worth the effort. Let’s keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.
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